HOOKING UP WITH A GUY WHO GOT A PIERCING DOWN THERE

Hold your horses... it ain't the cranky one today who's hooking up with a guy who got a piercing down there!



DISCLAIMER: Before you read on, kindly double-check your birth certificates. You must be at least 18 to read my stuff. Are you 18? Ok so go on reading then...

A good two hours ago, I was finally getting sleepy when a friend called... which eventually messed up what I thought would have been my sleeping time. This girl-friend of mine always felt the need to call me up whenever she has questions about sex. Yes, the bitch considers me her personal sex therapist... deal with it because I had to deal with it too!

Anyways, let's refer to me as G#2 and my friend, G#1. G#1 told me a story that triggered every single fiber in my being enough to give me a terrible headache and so this is how I remember of our conversation:

G#1: Hey Bitch! I saw you working on your Mafia Wars and so I called! How're you?

G#2: Uhm yeah. I'm good What's up?

G#1: I just started dating this model who has a piercing on his penis. Don't laugh (she laughs off) but he really does omg!

G#2: So?

G#1: So?!! I'm bothered! Isn't this dangerous to me? Am I going to get something like rusts and shit? I don't want to die and get sick but omg he's hot. We were making out and I was just about to go down on him when he warned me he is pierced! And so I stopped and told him I want him but I haven't had anything like it even before so I have to think about it. Poor guy... I just gave him blue-balls!

G#2: What kind of piercing is it? Maybe he's just talking about the embedded ball bearings inside his foreskin... it's what you call French Ticklers that helps women get an orgasm.

G#1: No! I saw it and I freaked out!

G#2: Why? What is it?

G#1: It's the same circular piercing you had years ago on your belly! (She laughs off again) Pucha girl! He made his penis a belly button (she laughs again then paused)... Paano to? What am I gonna do? Is this safe?


(This is the type she was talking about)

G#2: I never heard of anyone having that kind of piercing. You got my attention here now. Are you gonna have him wear a condom?

G#1: How am I gonna make him wear a condom when he has a piercing?

G#2: Now you just answered both our questions.... It's not safe. You think he wears a condom over it? Think again... He must have been raw-dogging every single ho and skank in the party scene! Make sure he’s been tested for STDs / HIVs first and as for you, you best use an alternative form of birth control so that Pierced Brosnan won't get you pregnant in case sperm runs around the piercing like your pet hamster does on his wheel!

G#1: Hmmm... ok what if I try putting a condom over it? I think we are doing it tonight!

G#2: (Rolled my eyes) You could try but the way I see it, there’s just no way to guarantee the condom will be intact. Honey... it will break. Unless, you use about 5 super Trojans over it!

G#1: Would he be offended though?

G#2: Of course he will! Pierced Brosnan got that especially so he can follow one-liner in the bible, "Go forth and multiply!"! Honey, open your eyes and try not to think about your itch. Think that there's just no way that he could've been using protection since he got it. How long did he have this piercing?

G#1: 6 Years

G#2: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeuch!!! What a dirty-dog!!!

G#1: So what am I going to do? Not have sex with him and just give him a blow-job?

G#2: If you think you'd like to blow-job an earring too, why not? Go ahead!!!

G#1: Uhm... oh... I don't think I want to that and that to be in me anyway now. It just might hurt me. He's big too you know.

G#2: Hurting yourself is the least consequence that you should be thinking about. What you should think about is sleeping with Pierced Brosnan's history! 6 Years for a model makes it at an estimate of 200 times sex in 365 days or maybe he has 6 times a day sex in 365 days especially if you say he is hot!

G#1: Oh my!

G#2: Oh my indeed!

G#1: So what should I tell him?

G#2: Tell him to go for someone else who doesn't give a flying-F about hygiene, sanity and safe-sex!

G#1: No... hello? I mean nicely...

G#2: Oh you want it nice? Okay tell him you're not comfortable with him having a piercing down there. Men will always try to get you to bed with them but always remember that in the case of Pierced Brosnan, you should just forget about it. Find someone who has a real penis he's proud of naturally and not the kind who decorates their glory stick with weird accessories just to compensate probably early take-off or bad sex because I think women in his past complained. Gosh! Just imagine if your insides are ripped, torn or scratched... you are just gonna get diseases. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeuch!!!

G#1: Yucky kadiri! (Pausing for a few seconds) O sha... I shall do that girl. Sayang (shame)...he's so hot. Salamat girl as ever! Sorry for disturbing you.

So there you go... Hope you liked the rated-R story that just made me puke right after that conversation. F-ing A!!! It's now 6:14am!!!